Once Again
by Ruthyroo
Summary: Ten years have passed and Brendan finally gets released from prison. A Stendan one shot for my Tumblr Anon. :)


**Once Again :)**

It's been too long, ten years too long, but in all that time there wasn't a day that went by where I didn't think of him. The days and nights I spent wishing I was in his arms, wishing that I was free to love him again; they were the days that kept me going. Living my life in here locked away without him every day was pure torture, the ultimate punishment. I know it was my choice, but I suppose I felt I needed to pay for all the bad things I'd done. Hurting Steven, the man I love was the worst of my sins at least in my eyes, he never deserved any of it. I had to write to him, I wanted him to know that I was being released. He had to hear it from me, it wouldn't be right if he heard it second hand. I don't even know where to go once I get out, I have no where I call home anymore. They say home is where the heart is and my heart is with Steven, but I've lost the right to call that boy my home. I just gave up, I let him go.

_It's been ten years and he decides to write to me now, why does he even feel that he needs to contact me? He made his choice; he didn't want me to stand by him and over the years I've accepted that. He's being released, he's even wrote the date and time, does he expect me to drop everything? I've only just got myself together, getting over him was one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, but I done it. I went through a lot of dark times, lost some friends along the way, but I eventually came out of the other side. I'm at a good place now, the Deli is successful and I am rightfully the sole owner. Doug was one of those friends I lost along the way, he tried to keep the Deli for himself, but with the Deli being in my name he didn't really have a chance. Hays lost its carter, but business has never been better. Life is okay, I've even started dating again. There is no one special, but at least I'm putting myself back out there and opening up again. Who knows maybe I will fall in love again one day._

I don't know what I expect him to do with the letter; he probably hasn't even read it. Chez has kept me up to date with him as much as she could, I know he struggled without me for a while, but I struggled just as much without him. She hasn't spoken to him for a few months, but she said that life is good for him and for that I'm glad. Ten years down the line and he's still living in that flat, I bet it looks exactly the same. If only I could see. I won't be sorry to see the back of this place, although a fresh start without Steven is a fate worse than death. Chez has offered me to go and stay with her if I want to and Dublin is the other option I have. There is no way I can go to him, I can't just turn up on his door step and beg him for another chance. I told him in the next life, maybe that's the only chance we'll ever have now. I get ready to leave this place behind me forever and leave my cell for the last time.

_Todays the day, his release day and for the last few days I have thought of nothing more. Okay since I received his letter I have thought of nothing more. I can't believe that I'm letting him in, that I'm letting him destroy me from the inside out all over again. There will always be something; it's just the way it is for him…for us. I used to think that as long as we were together it didn't matter, but it does matter and I can't go through the heart break anymore…I won't. Losing him almost killed me last time, I can't risk it. His letter didn't really say much else, but I know him, he's left it up to me. He won't risk me rejecting him, so instead of asking me to meet him, he's let me know the exact time he gets released, but if he thinks I'm that easy then he's got another thing coming. The fact that I'm already showered and dressed are just a coincidence. Putting on my coat and shoes and heading out of door doesn't mean a thing, I could be going anywhere. Only I know where I'm going._

I take the last walk out of this hell hole and look back at my past. There is no way that I'm coming back here for anyone. I've lost Ten years of my life, I've lost Steven and now it's time for me to get it all back. It might take a while, but I'll do whatever it takes. Now he knows that I'm out he might at least think about me again. That would be a start. I pick up my belongings and the guard makes some joke about not wanting to see me in here again, believe me he won't.

_I'm standing outside the prison gates and I don't even really know what I'm doing here. Can I really just forgive him for destroying my life? What If this is just another mistake? I suppose I'll know when I see him. The moment our eyes meet, that's when I'll know. When we can't take our eyes off each other and our hearts pound…that's when I'll know. I'm pacing now, it's time and I hope I don't look desperate, because I'm not. I'm just nervous because it's been so long and then the door opens and I can just about see him._

I get outside and the brightness hits me straight away, I can't remember the last time I saw the sky so bright. I breathe in the air and close my eyes; freedom has never felt so good. It's not till I get nearer the main gate that I notice him standing there looking at me and at first I think I must be dreaming. But I'm not and he's really here and I feel so happy that I think I might burst. I make my way over to him, he's even more beautiful if that is even possible.

_I can see him now; he doesn't really look much different. Maybe a little older, but then that's because he is. Everything I felt for him has come back the moment I saw him, maybe because it never really left me, only got buried for a while. I feel full up all of a sudden, like I'm just about to explode from all the emotions that I'm feeling. My eyes begin to sting from the tears, but I'm holding them back, I just want to look at him. He can see me too now and he looks like he can't believe that I'm here, but now that he's standing in front of me, he knows that I am._

And in an instant it's like ten years haven't passed and we simultaneously reach for each other. Hands have found each other's face, lips have connected and I have never felt more alive and more in love with him than I do right now and I know he feels the same. The way our tongues dance together, the tears that are now flooding from both of our eyes tell me he feels the same. It's all still there, just like I knew it would be and I'm never letting him go again. I'm free to love him now and I'm the luckiest man alive that he's here willing to love me once again.

**Hope you liked it.**

**Please review xx xx xx**


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